So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
