i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
