so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
