i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
