I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
