And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
