Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
