Banned from zoo.
Again?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
