If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
