I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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