just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
