you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
