went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
These tits shall not be calmed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize