Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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