Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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