Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize