She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
