I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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