I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
