I'm really into asian looking animals
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize