You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
