Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
