I can text with my tongue
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
