pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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