I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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