I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
