she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
