I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I just sharted jello shots
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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