I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
