we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
