At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
