Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
