the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
