wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone came in the potted fern
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
