exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
