someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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