This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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