Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
