I wish I only lived at night.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
