My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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