i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
