i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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