More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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