we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
