You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
