he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
