After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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