Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
