1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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