One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
