I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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