if i can run in heels then i can drive
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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