Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
