Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
