they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
