Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
