so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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