That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
