i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
