Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
4 words: hood of his car
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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