so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize