I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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