oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
