I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I AM VODKA MAN
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
