you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
