He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
