You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
