No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize