i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
