i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize