it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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