Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize