ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
