Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Your penis caused this!
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