I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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