i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
