Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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