So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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