so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
