I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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