Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
