But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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