the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
