So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
