I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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