threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
