I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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