so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
