Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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