there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
