One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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