remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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