who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
