can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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