it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize