sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
