Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
