I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
