Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
