i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
