i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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