i was born a porn star she said
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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