He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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