how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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