Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
